When I Couldn't Handle the Pressure of Saving Lives

I'm a nurse at this big hospital, and let's just say, dealing with sick people day in and out isn't as glamorous or easy as TV makes it seem. Yesterday, we got a patient who needed immediate surgery for a serious condition. Everyone was rushing around, and I had to prep the patient while also managing their family’s emotions, they were scared and confused, wanting answers about something that could change everything. The thing is, when it came down to signing off on my part of the prep work, I panicked. My hands were shaking so much I almost messed up a crucial step in preparing for surgery. It felt like everyone was looking at me, waiting for me to make the right call. In that moment, I lied and told them I had double-checked everything when really, I hadn't. I just wanted it all to be over and hoped no one would catch my mistake. I can’t stop thinking about it now, what if something goes wrong because of my lie? It’s gnawing at me like a hungry wolf. I know I need to tell someone, but the fear is still paralyzing me.