My Boss's Secret Admirer

So here’s this thing I’ve been keeping secret for ages. My boss at work has been sending me these anonymous notes every week since I started my job a year ago. They’re always signed with “Your secret admirer,” and I’ll admit, there were times when it made me feel special. He’s married though, so I never thought anything of it besides wondering who could be leaving the notes in my mailbox. Then one day, I get an email from him saying he knows about his wife's illness and how she won’t make it much longer, hinting at a desire to start something new but being cautious not to hurt anyone. That’s when the notes stopped coming, and I felt this weird mix of relief and disappointment. Now here’s the kicker: Last week, we had a company retreat where everyone was offsite for three days. On our last night there, while I was in bed reading before lights out at 10 PM, my phone buzzed with another note from that secret admirer email address. It read simply “I’m sorry.” The next day, we all came back to the office and everyone seemed fine, but then my boss pulled me aside after a meeting and said he needed to speak with each of us privately. I thought he was going to give me a promotion or something good like that. Instead, when it was my turn to talk with him alone, his eyes were red-rimmed, and there was this heaviness in the air. He finally told me the truth, he’s the secret admirer who sent those notes. Turns out, he felt really guilty about it, even more now that his wife had passed away, so I got a final note on our retreat. I didn’t know what to say or feel in that moment. Part of me feels bad for him, knowing how tough things must have been and still are. But then there’s also this lingering confusion because I always assumed it was someone else playing a joke, maybe even my colleague Jane who always seems up-to-date on everyone's personal affairs. So here’s my confession: Was I secretly hoping that it would be someone else who sent those notes? Did I wish for something more out of them than just being nice anonymous words? And now, with the truth revealed and knowing how complicated his situation really is, do I feel guilty about all these thoughts? It's a mess inside my head.