... My Little Lie to Feel Important ...

I've been working from home as a freelancer for almost two years now. It's a job I love... but also a job that can feel incredibly isolating at times. There are days when I'm so deep in research or writing, the phone doesn't even ring and I forget what human interaction sounds like. But then there are other days... where my brain just isn't clicking and all I want to do is curl up with a blanket and binge-watch something mindless on Netflix. The thing is, as much as I love my work, it's also very deadline-driven. I get paid for deliverables, not effort put in, so there's this constant pressure to always be productive. Which is where the lie comes in... Yesterday was one of those off days. By mid-afternoon, I hadn't written a single word, and my clients were expecting something new soon. So... I sent them an email late in the day pretending that I had been working all day and hit a bit of a roadblock but would have the piece done by tomorrow morning. I know, it was a tiny little white lie, probably barely worth mentioning at all. But here's the thing, lying felt good... It gave me this momentary feeling of control and importance, even if it was just in my head. Like I could fool the world for one brief moment into thinking that everything was fine... I don't know why I feel so bad about something so small, but every time I read back over that email, a tiny part of me feels like I've let everyone down, myself included. Maybe tomorrow is the day to start telling my clients how things really are... rather than crafting little fibs in hopes they'll forget.