My Office Plants Are Really My Excuse To Slouch At Work

So here's the deal. I work in this office where everyone expects you to be at your desk from 9 to 5, and I get it, but sometimes I need a break from staring at the same screen all day long. And let me tell you, plants can distract for hours! It started innocently enough, just a few little succulents here and there. But then I noticed how much my coworkers admire their own little green friends around their cubicles, so why not? I decided to take it up a notch. One of the bigger indoor trees went up in a corner by my desk, and let's just say that watering them became an official part of my job description, with me carrying out those little buckets like I'm some sort of office botanist. But there was this one time when everything kinda blew up. It happened to be on the day they announced our new team leader, a real stickler for productivity metrics and such. He’s not exactly what you’d call friendly, and his idea of a good day is if no one leaves their desk. So I’m sitting there trying not to look too relaxed when he comes over and asks how my plants are doing. I swear, it was like I had to defend myself against an army of accountants. ‘Oh you know,’ I say in the most professional tone I can muster, ‘they need a lot of attention to thrive.’ But man, that’s such a load of BS isn’t it? Like, do plants even care if they’re watered at exactly 2:30 PM or noonish? They don't. But apparently me hiding behind my beloved succulents was too much for him. Anyway, I ended up with this weird meeting about office plant policy and maybe some kind of work-from-home plant stipend (or not) that’s been in the works ever since. So there you go. My plants are really just a convenient excuse to avoid the dreaded 9-5 routine, or at least they were until this new team leader came along.