Why Did I Do That?

I've been a stay-at-home parent for the last three years now. It's not an easy job by any means, but it has its rewards. Watching my kids grow and learn new things every day is incredibly fulfilling. But there's something that keeps nagging at me lately, I feel like I'm missing out on adult conversations, the kind you have when you're just hanging out with friends or coworkers. The other day, I had a friend over who works in tech, and we got into a conversation about AI advancements. It was fascinating, but I couldn't contribute much because honestly, my knowledge is pretty outdated. She suggested I start following some tech blogs to stay updated, which made me feel bad for not doing that already. But here's the thing, I did something strange after she left. Instead of looking up those tech blogs, I started scrolling through baby clothes online and ended up buying a dozen onesies in different colors. Why do I feel this way? Is it just because I'm scared of feeling out-of-touch with what my friends are talking about or is there more to it? I mean, don't get me wrong, being with kids all day doesn't mean you can't learn new things too. But sometimes, in those quiet moments where everyone's napping and the house is so still, I just feel... lonely. It sounds silly, but I miss having a coffee chat with friends or attending a book club meeting. What am I supposed to do? Should I try harder to keep up with all these new topics and trends, even though it means less time for my kids in the moment? Or should I just be happy doing what I'm currently doing and not worry about fitting into adult conversation circles? Am I being too hard on myself here? What would you do if you were me?