The One That Got Away (Maybe)

I've always been proud of being open about my non-binary identity and trying to support others who are figuring out their own journeys. But there's one person I feel a bit guilty about, even though they're no longer around in my life. It was during my college years when the internet became such a huge part of our social lives. My friend group on campus started this thing where we'd all share funny memes and cat videos with each other constantly through WhatsApp. It got to the point where I felt like if I didn't know about every latest meme or joke, I wouldn't be part of the cool kids' club anymore. One day, Sarah (who was in my friend group) started talking more often on these chats. At first, it seemed innocent enough; she'd share her thoughts and ask for advice when needed. But over time, our messages became longer and more personal. I felt like we had this special connection no one else understood. But then came the turning point. We were discussing a big upcoming exam, and Sarah mentioned she didn't feel confident about it but was afraid to say that out loud in case people thought less of her. That's when I shared my deepest fear with her: how much I valued our friendship but also feared others might see me as weak or too sensitive if I showed vulnerability. A week later, Sarah stopped messaging me back. It was like she cut off the conversations overnight without explanation. I tried reaching out but got ignored, and after a while, it seemed clear that things had changed for good between us. I've often wondered whether my confession about feeling vulnerable pushed her away or if there were other reasons. Maybe she needed space to focus on herself before exams too? Or perhaps our close messages made me seem like more of a distraction than support during tough times? Years have passed now, and while I'm grateful for the experiences that shaped who I am today, there's still this lingering sadness knowing how differently things might've been if only we could talk openly without fear or judgment. Sometimes, when I see old photos from those days or read through our last exchanges on WhatsApp, it makes me wonder what Sarah is up to now. Did she ever feel the same about us? Or was I just overthinking everything back then as usual?