...the Neighbor's Son...

I've been a stay-at-home parent for the past five years now. My kids are seven and ten, and our street is full of families with similar age children. The house across the road from ours has always belonged to an older couple but they decided to downsize last year, moving in their grandson who's around my daughter's age... He's very polite and well-mannered; we've struck up a friendship where the kids spend time playing together after school or on weekends. But it's not just as simple as that. My husband noticed how I get nervous whenever he comes over to play with our kids, how I can't help but fix my hair or smooth down the shirt I'm wearing when he enters the house... How I try so hard to keep a conversation going past 'hello' and 'goodbye.' He's asked me why this is happening... Why I've been more anxious about seeing his parents than usual. The truth is, I feel like such an asshole... It started with just noticing how he was taller than my kids but that didn't matter much until the summer when we saw less of him because he had to study for exams and spent most evenings at home. Then it hit me one day as our children were playing in their garden, I've developed a crush on this young man... He's still just a kid, of course... A teenager now really, since school started again recently. And yes, there are many things wrong with my infatuation and attraction towards him; but I can't help how my heart beats faster every time he walks in the door or when his grandmother drops him off for playdates... I know it's not healthy, I shouldn't be thinking about this at all... But that doesn't change anything about what is happening to me. Sometimes I wonder if his parents have noticed a change in my behavior too... ...