The Great Coffee Conspiracy

So here's the thing, I've been lying to my coworkers about why I always show up at work with a fresh cup of coffee. The truth is, I get my caffeine fix from a 24-hour donut shop that sells this amazing cold brew in huge jugs for like five bucks. But if they knew that, everyone would probably join the queue there every morning, and then what? Who'd want to sit at their desk for hours straight with no energy boost? So I keep up this charade of being a barista at some fancy cafe, stirring my nonexistent milk with an imaginary spoon while chatting about latte art. It's not exactly ethical, but hey, someone has to save the world from the tyranny of daytime coffee fatigue, right?