Older and Wiser? Not Today.

Went to this fancy dinner last night thinking I'd act all grown-up. Ordered the most expensive wine on the menu, tried to use a fork like I'm some kind of expert. Then, halfway through, I start hacking up a lung because the lobster was still half-frozen. Ended up spilling sauce all over my jacket. Chef comes over looking like he's about to throw me out, but I just nod politely and leave, who needs dinner at this price anyway? Back home now, wearing yesterday's shirt while eating leftover pizza.