i drew on my roommates book

so i have this roommate, and she’s really into this one author, and she has all these books by them lined up on the shelf. every time we pass her room i see those books and it gets under my skin because i just want to like rip them off the shelf and burn them or something. not actually a thing that would ever happen but i have these intense feelings about them. so last night i was feeling really bad about myself, thinking i’ll never be good enough as an artist or whatever, and i see those books again. but this time it’s different because i’m just like why do they matter so much? and then in that moment of frustration i grabbed a sharpie and wrote all over one of them. just random doodles, little faces, weird shapes. i don’t know what came over me honestly, i just needed to feel something, anything. so now my roommate is pissed at me obviously, but i kind of feel better for doing it. i mean, the guilt is there and it’s heavy, but it’s also like a weight has been lifted or something. i’m not sure if i’ll ever be able to look at those books again without thinking about what i did. still don’t really know why i went through with it though. maybe i was just trying to prove something to myself? i don’t know, but i guess i can see now that the books themselves aren’t the problem, it’s more like my insecurities and all these feelings they bring up for me.