why did i do this

i just found out my best friend martha is moving across the country next month and all these feelings came rushing back. like why did i have to be such a stickler for routine, right? we’ve been friends since college but she’s always been the spontaneous one, jetting off on weekends while i stayed put in my small town thinking it was what made me happy. now her life is changing so much and mine isn’t budging at all. maybe i should have moved with her back then or tried to visit more often? i’ve spent years building a cozy little nest but now im scared i’ll lose my closest friend, wondering if i’m just being lazy because i don’t want to change. i need to figure out how to balance staying in control of my life and still be there for martha.