i hate myself rn

so i had this huge fight with my best friend taylor last week over this one stupid thing. like we got into it so bad that now she won't even talk to me, and i feel terrible but at the same time kinda relieved? idk its confusing as hell. the reason was just b/c i took her notes from her locker without asking. yes i know im a complete jerk for doing this. i needed help with the big chem test coming up and i thought she'd let me borrow them anyway, but i should have asked her instead of being such an asshole. now we haven't talked in days. we were supposed to go shopping together today as part of my plan to make it right. i mean how hard is it just to say sorry? obviously i made a huge mistake and hurt her really bad, even if she was super mad at me too for not asking first. but every time we try to talk now its like there's this wall between us that won't come down. and then today my other friend laura called me out on it in front of everyone, saying i'm the one who needs to fix things b/c i was the one who messed up. i guess she's right but still it stings b/c i was starting to think taylor would be mad at me forever for this. i just wanted my notes and now its blown way out of proportion. i know what i did was wrong, there's no excuse. i'm trying so hard not to take things back or make excuses b/c its on me 100%. i have to own up to this mess i made but it feels like such a huge weight hanging over my head. im gonna try apologizing again asap, maybe she'll forgive me if i just admit how much i messed up.